A spanking that isn't given for punishment for misbehavior or endangering oneself is just "ass-slappin'" as far as I'm concerned, and that just doesn't do anything for me.

I think many of us (myself included) -crave- punishment spankings because they validate us as individuals.  Being spanked -for-something tells me (1) that I've messed up and (2) that someone cares enough about me to take the time and energy needed to call it to my attention in this manner.  I'd be hard-pressed to say that I don't like feeling worthwhile, even if it takes a little discomfort to produce that feeling.

When I was a kid I used to fantasize about having a big brute of a husband that would spank me at the slightest provocation - and sometimes just because he felt like it. While it was a fun fantasy being a spank-doll for this imaginary fellow, I suspect that if I really married such a person that I'd be miserable, as would any real-life husband of mine that I attempted to manipulate into spanking me by "bratting".  Real-life relationships require a lot more work but are so much more rewarding.  I'm glad I found a partner who is willing to spank me, but a relationship based around spanking alone wouldn't be much of a relationship.  If you can find a way of incorporating spanking into your relationship, that's wonderful.  And you can always keep a fantasy-spanker in the back of your mind to bring out on special occasions.

Since I crave spanking for punishment, but my husband doesn't want to positively reinforce bad behavior, we resorted to a systmem we call "Good girl/Bad girl spankings".

So that the "good girl" spankings will have a punishment "feel" to them, he saves up all the minor things I've messed up on throughout the last day or days, and figuratively takes those out on my backside.  They're things he'd -never- actually severely punish me for...nor should he...but saved up, sometimes they can make quite a daunting list!  Examples may include forgetting to turn my curling iron off, leaving a wet towel on the floor, etc.  Sometimes he'll even mix it up a little by giving me a stray smack for whatever it was when I'm least expecting it.  In any case, it gives him an outlet for expressing minor annoyances/grievances with me, and because I tend to internalize these things (and because I sincerely do desire to please him) I strive not to do them again.  Believe me...I have enough faults that he could find reason to spank me every day if he wanted to.  And if he runs out of reasons? I guess he could always spank me for something silly, like wearing white shoes after Labor Day.  Or I could go with something like what Robin Whittle suggests - have an understanding that if you stick your tongue out at your partner, that it's spanking time. There's a big difference between healthy playfulness and bratting - and with a little imagination, a spanking for "disrespecting the man of the house" could be construed as a punishment spanking, yes?  At any rate it's better than purposefully making him angry...or going without having your needs met, neither of which is much fun or practical in a long-term relationship.

If I've been "good" - gotten what I needed to get done that day accomplished (or at least made the effort), stuck with my diet (something I've asked my husband to help me with), and otherwise met reasonable expectations - I can request a "good girl" spanking.  A "good girl" spanking is usually given by hand, over-the-knee, with pauses for dramatic effect (and to catch my breath!), often wrestling, sometimes cuddling, kissing,  fondling...it almost always leads to sex, because the mood is light, the clothes have more often than not been discarded, and both of us are horny as hell.  These "good girl" spankings give me the tingle I like, the endorphin release that I crave, and,
if I allow myself to internalize it, the catharsis I seek (I sleep like a baby afterwards!) but I have to behave appropriately in order to get them.

On the other hand, if I do something really wrong (things we've agreed upon - binge-eat, lose my temper, etc.) then I can expect a "bad girl" spanking.  The threat of getting a "bad girl" spanking (if one is deserved) has to be present in order for "good girl" spankings to be a turn-on for me (I can't really speak for my husband on this).  Since we've started DD, I've only gotten two "bad-girl" spankings - one for getting caught in the Halloween candy after being told to leave it alone, and the other for a really unseemly display of temper.  The first was given right away and the second was given the next day, after we'd both calmed down.

"Bad girl" spankings are not at all pleasant.  Whereas I "like" to struggle a little while getting a "good girl" spanking, I usually feel so bad about whatever it is that I've done that I just submit to a "bad girl" spanking.  I'm often near tears before it even begins.  In the past they've been given with me bent over the bed and with him using the paddle (to minimize physical contact).  The smacks are hard and fast with no breathing breaks and it amounts to a heck of a lot more than just a pleasant tingle.  Both times I've been way too distraught afterwards for sex.  I hate feeling that I've disappointed my husband and I have NO desire to repeat the offense.  It might even be a day or two before I want a "good girl" spanking again!

I didn't like the idea of separate kinds of spankings when we first started DD, but eventually discovered that I needed spankings at different times for different reasons and we sort of adopted the idea of out of neccessity.  Being slightly mischievious to provoke a spanking is one thing - deliberately doing something to harm yourself or anger your partner is something altogether different.  If you decide to try this approach, definitely read through what Robin Whittle has to say about the subject.  We borrowed some of his ideas, as well as some that I read about on another list.

Definitely adapt other people's ideas to fit your own needs. While I've found that there are a lot of people out there that share my fascination, I've yet to find anyone whose needs and desires exactly match mine.  Overall, be as patient as you can be, let your partner know when he's met (or exceeded!) your  expectations, and let your approach to DD evolve as it will.

Best of luck to you!

-- Epifanie

Visit
Our Site

Our Sister
Sites