I have always known that I wanted to be married to a dominant man; a man who is the "head of our home" in the old-fashioned sense.  I have been attracted to this type of man from a very early age.

Before marriage, I had relationships with two highly dominant men.  The first man broke my heart and the second man regularly beat me.  I gave everything I had in me to please and appease both of these men and  expected little in return.  I did not demand-and therefore did not receive-respect.

These experiences turned me into a full-fledged feminist.  There was no way I was going to let anyone control me or  tell me what to do.  In retrospect, I know that deep inside was a scared little girl who never wanted to experience that kind of pain again. I began growing and changing and building a strong self-esteem.

I met my husband in 1991 and it was as if I was hit by a whirlwind.  He had that combination of strenth and kindness that can sweep a traditional woman "off her feet."  We married within six months and had two children.

Before we were married, my husband and I  sat down together and made a list of "rules" (for lack of a better  word).  I told him that I would be happy to follow them and would be a submissive and obedient wife and that I trusted him to lead our  family.  My resolve in this was based on our Christian religion as well as the desires I felt in my heart.

But, then, real life happened.  I submitted to my husband only when it pleased me.  For his part, my husband felt disrespected and began to become a  "go-with-the-flow" kind of guy.  He didn't want to make waves, so he pretty much let me run things.  He was no longer the "take charge" kind of guy that I had hoped for.  I disrespected him and our feelings wavered.

Because we are nice people, we forged a kind of partnership in which we co-parented and were basically friends.  Neither of us would ever divorce.  But I began to wonder, "Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life?."

I began reading some websites and while I wasn't interested in the BSDM aspects of the sites I entered, I was strangely enthralled by the dominant/submissive lifestyle as well as domestic discipline.

I broke down one day and told my husband what I had been reading.  I told him that I needed him to take charge of things and that I felt I needed some type of domestic discipline.  He was a little resistant at first because we really had been getting along fine and he didn't want to "rock the boat."  Then I began to point out the ways in which I demean and disrespect him.  Even though I have never been a yelling, screaming, pushy type of woman, I have learned how to be manipulative and
controlling.  My husband thought it through and it was as if a light had been turned on in the darkness.  He realized that he had been failing me by not being the leader in our home.  He promised to take back control and has done so.  Much to my surprise, he even agreed to discipline me when needed and actually has spanked me once (it was very much deserved and was not enjoyed by either of us).

I really  love my husband and my marriage.  We have gone from sex perhaps once a
month to literally every night.  I have found so much joy in following him and pleasing him.  But the greatest change has been in my husband.  He has become the strongest and kindest man.  I am literally amazed by him.  I believe that now that he's getting the respect he deserves and the authority that he needs, he feels free to become the man that God intends him to be.  He is more devoted than ever to  me and our children and I couldn't be happier.  We are at the beginning of this new journey (we have been practicing this for almost 3 months) but I look forward to many happy days ahead.

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