My View of Domestic Discipline

by Vicki Blue

I've been married four years to "L." We've been together almost nine years. He actually introduced me to DD, although at the time I didn't realize there was a name for it. I just thought he was bossy.
His mother said he was always the type to be in charge, even when he was little. Unlike a lot of what I've seen and heard about in other relationships with men who assert control, "L"'s dominance doesn't come from insecurity...he is just the type of guy who likes order in his household and he sees a set system of rewards and consequences as a time honored mechanism that works.

He told me early in our relationship that he was the authority and in one conversation told me that I would be spanked if I got out of line.

I dismissed this as kidding until it happened shortly after we moved in together.

I was furious but at the same time I realized that this was just the type of man I needed. I've spent a lot of time educating myself and analyzing my relationship and others like it. I've come to realize that I initially resisted "L"'s discipline because I was afraid - not of him but of myself for wanting and needing the boundaries he's provided.

In our household, there are a list of rules and breaking those rules can carry major consequences (spanking) or minor consequences (loss of privileges).

Major offenses are lying, willfull defiance, aggressive backtalk (not disagreeing but being a mean spirited bitch --there is a difference) smoking, deception, or inciting disrespectful attitudes among the children. These are dealt with by a spanking, severity depending on my submission to the punishment without fighting or protesting and also depending on my willingness to take responsibility. Trying to hedge or argue my way out makes things worse for me.

Minor offenses are not managing my time properly, cursing, not picking up after myself, running up the phone bill, etc.

These are clear cut rules that result in better household harmony. I might add here that "L" observes the rules as well and that earns my respect. He is not in the camp of "Do as I say Don't Do As I Do".

The benefits of the discipline is good for me. I'm a moody person, a writer by trade and a hellion by nature. I consider myself intelligent but with that comes the tendencies to be dramatic and temperemental. Knowing that I'll face a spanking or the loss of phone, car or computer makes me think twice before allowing my temper or emotions free reign. It also helps me prioritize and make the correct choices.

Another benefit from DD is that I feel very loved and protected. Punishements for bad behavior are balanced by rewards for good behavior. "L" regularly encourages me and indulges me in what I would consider extravagant pursuits when I am good. I enjoy art, books and breed and show purebred dogs - these are not cheap hobbies. He supplements these pursuits with his own money from time to time in addition to being a gentleman, mentor and my very best friend.

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